Getting Kicks Out Of Kicking
by Filthy Casul
Summary: Dude gets reincarnated, world is changed, people are kicked, aviators are worn, one liners are said, and damns aren't given. When you realize the truth of the world it bends to your whims to keep you quiet. Time to fulfill some power fantasies. AU.


**AN: Right. So First Haunts next chapter is 40% complete, just need to fill in some stuff that I shouldn't leave bare. This is just an idea, much like Syrup Of Eternal Victory, as in I won't be actively updating it unless it's requested of me. On a side note I find it significantly easier to get more done if I just toss out all my plotbunmons. Hmmm… Pokémon, maybe I should try that too… Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…**

 _"I ran out of ideas for quotes ages ago, so unless you lot got something then I'll just use this"_

Hello, I am William White, and I will not be giving you any information about myself. You can find out my personality if you wait, and nothing else about me will be relevant in the coming chapters as I will neglect to bring it up, if the chapters even exist in the first place that is.

So here I am, your everyday unique human with admirable traits and horrible traits which I will never mention in public, walking across the road with the groceries, hell if I know what's in them, I hadn't had them until just now, when I hear a loud honk and turn to see a large truck speeding towards me.

Oh no.

I had to run!

I had to escape before- crash, bwaaaagggggh, shhhhprrrwwah. No? Ok.

Rather than moving I merely sigh and the world goes grey with the truck merely a hair way.

"No, no, no. Hit by a truck is too common. Try something else." I say. The world shifts and spins before colour seeps back in and I find myself in a dark and rainy alleyway. There's a man with a knife raised in front of me.

"A mugger? Really?" I whisper raising an eyebrow. "Sir, if you would kindly put away the knife, we can talk about this." I ask politely.

The man looks slightly deranged and let's out a loud wail before striking down at me. The knife never gets that far as the world devolves into greyness once more.

"Again, please be more creative, I know you can be." I say before tapping my foot. The world begins to shift once more but before it stops I say "No skydiving incidents either, do you remember what happened to Uncle Gregory? He took 5 hours to land and slowly get impaled on a sharp pole."

It continues to shift while I think, 'perhaps being drop kicked out of a window onto a spiked fence?' I remember however that cousin Henry got that one and it would be rude to copy him.

"Aha! I know just the place!" I exclaim. The world stops and I'm standing in a crowd listening to the President speak. A man pulls a gun and I dive at him to wrestle it from his grip, fortunately I get it and he is detained by security. Unfortunately before that he shoots me, right in the heart.

My last, fleeting thoughts echoed through my mind as a crowd gathered around me.

'Curses! I'm Canadian! He not that important to me!'

Too late.

* * *

When I wake I'm in a massive grey expanse, at the back of a very long line. Fortunately the plot spares us from waiting by skipping ahead to my turn.

There was a slot machine with a crow on top. I'd like to say he gave me a critical eye, noticing my special snowflakyness but that would be tar. No he simply was indifferent.

I pressed the button and wasting no time at all instantly landed on RWBY… No, not Warcraft… Yes, YES! The crow didn't notice of course that it had changed, no one did. From their perspective it landed on RWBY only. It's reasonable when you realize only I can see the Author change reality to his whims.

The crow looks at me and asks, resignation deep in his voice "Do you know what's going on? The past 7,346 people all got the universe called RWBY. Anything odd about that?"

"No." I reply simply. If he can't recognize a higher consciousness then I am not telling him about it. You have read Deadpool Kills Marvel right? Not everyone can handle the knowledge.

He caws and suddenly I feel a pull. Everything's spinning oddly and…

* * *

I open my eyes to see a white ceiling.

'Oh no.' I thought before the doctor spoke.

"Congratulations, it's a girl!"

'No no no!'

The pair of wolf Faunus look kindly down at me, the human doctor standing off to the side, the woman making cooing noises.

'By the nine, no!'

"How strange," the man says "her eyes are silver…"

That was the straw that broke the camels back.

"I'M OUT, PEACE!" I say but it comes out more as a "WAAAAAH!"

The world goes grey, and starts to shift before landing in a darker room.

"Hey there, your name will be Mercury." A voice says.

'Eh, I like this guy,' I think 'I suppose it's good enough, what could possibly go wrong?'

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


End file.
